“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.” -Bob Marley
Shaun Riley, Unlikely hero from Shaun of the Dead.
Nicholas Angel, Big city cop adapting to life from Hot Fuzz.
Gary King, Alcoholic asshole from The World’s End.
Does anyone want a cornetto? This three-flavoured blog will take you through zombies, cults, and even the end of the world. Will Shaun finally be dead? Will Nicholas be caught in the hot seat? Or will Gary meet the world’s end? Come along to Saul’s VS Blog to find out who would win a DEATH BATTLE.
Before We Go Anywhere
This blog is easy. We’re going to use the main three movies these guys come from as sources, with interviews and scripts used as supplementary material. We won’t be including any crossovers, so no Funko game for Shaun.
Let’s boo boo!
Background
Shaun Riley
Shaun is your unlikely hero. No, really. A man who’s done nothing with his life, who’s stuck at a dead-end job, with a girlfriend who wants something real in their relationship, to a best friend who lives on his and his flatmates couch, it would take something truly real to shape up the life of Shaun.
So, Liz breaks up with him, absolutely devastating Shaun. This is the wake-up call he needs to truly sort his life out, of course, with extra help from the zombie apocalypse. With signs Shaun failed to notice at first, he and his best friend were now a part of a huge apocalypse. But, he had a plan. Save his friends, save his girlfriend, save his mother, and hold up in the Winchester, a local pub he likes to drink in.
Shaun does his best. He goes to his girlfriend’s house, saves her and her friends, goes to his moms house and grabs her alongside his Stepfather, who has been bitten by a zombie. Shaun, who doesn’t like his stepdad, was ready to kill him right there. But, with his mother's insistence, the two get to have a heart to heart before he turns from a wound.
Things get tense within the Winchester. During their quest to the pub, his mother gets bitten, leading to a tense standoff where Shaun has to put down his own mother. One of Liz’s friends, David, leaves the Winchester and gets taken apart by zombies. Worse of all, best friend Ed gets bit.
Shaun, Ed and Liz end up in the basement of the pub with plans to end their life. Luckily for them, they find a way out of the basement, with Ed staying behind, too wounded to go on with his life. Shaun and Liz leave, where they’re saved by the army.
Life goes back to normal for Shaun. Actually, it’s better than when he left it. His house is cleaner, he’s happier, and he and Liz are back together. Ed is even here! Sure, he’s chained up in the shed playing video games, but he seems happy enough.
Nicholas Angel
“I.I Staker, right, piss taker. COME ON!”
Nicholas Angel, the best cop you could ask for. Actually, too good. He was so good that he was made a sergeant. Not in the big city, but Sanford Gloucestershire. Why? I already said, he was too good, he made everyone else look bad. So with his bags and peace lily, he left for the not-so big city.
Sanford Gloucestershire wasn’t all bad. Nicholas would meet Danny, son of the inspector Frank Butterman, and fellow police officer. Danny can sometimes be a little airheaded, and believes cop movies are like reality, but he has a big heart, so Nicholas takes to him. One night, a car crash happens, where Nicholas suspects there’s something more sinister at play.
More and more deaths start to pop up. Nicholas continues to try and find the true culprit behind the crimes, which leads him to being attacked in his bedroom. It turns out that the secret neighbourhood watch, which includes most of the town, are killing these people. Why? Danny’s mother was driven to suicide over losing a village of the year competition after putting her heart into it, meaning that the villege will do anything to make sure it wins, even killing travellers.
Nicholas storms back in with horses, guns, and a police squad at his back. He takes down the evil members of the Neighborhood Watch, including the mega-mart owner Simon and Danny’s own father. Nicholas arrests the entire town, becoming Sergeant, ready to do his job all over again.
Gary King
“We’re just five friends, on a night out, having a good time.”
Gary King. He used to be a king. Well, king of school, but it’s the king of something. Alongside his five friends, Andy, Steven, Oliver, and Peter, they ruled the school. One day they attempted the legendary golden mile, 12 pubs and 12 beers. Gary described this as the best day of his life, even though they never completed the mile, the memories mattered most.
While all of his friends had grown up, Gary stayed the same. A mean-spirited, self-serving, all around despicable person to be around. He called all of his friends for one last pub crawl, like the good ol’ days. While most of their relationships, especially ex-best friend Andy, was hurt, they all agreed.
Unfortunately for the five friends. The pub crawl turned sinister. It turned out that the humans of Newton Haven had slowly been replaced by blanks that aimed to remove and replace everyone. The men, not wanting to be found out, went along with the Golden Mile. Even as Oliver and Peter died and got replaced, they continued on. Even after Steven and Andy threatened to stop, Gary continued.
You see, Gary had been hiding a secret from all of them. He was suicidal, he had attempted to take his own life and was placed in a facility to monitor him. The Golden Mile was supposed to be his ending, where he wouldn’t come home, ending his life on the trail.
Before Gary could, he and his mates were introduced to the Network, an intergalactic network that planned to save the planet. After Gary told it to, and I quote, “Fuck off back to Legoland.” The Network disconnected itself from all equipment and left. This did start a chain reaction that caused The World’s End, where all technology was fried.
But Gary? Gary found purpose. With help from younger versions of his friends, Gary never truly had to grow up, travelling this wasteland.
Experience
Shaun Riley
For being a man who never asked for any of this, Shaun is a quick-thinking machine. He adapted to the zombie apocalypse perfectly, coming with an entire plan about how to wait for the zombie apocalypse to blow over. While this didn’t work, he can adapt. When Shaun lured the zombies away, he made sure to lure the zombies away before “foxxing those dead pricks.” using a skip. He’s also seen to be acrobatic, like when he springboarded.
While he really isn’t a fighter, Shaun has been capable of beating up zombies, and has proven to be accurate with his rifle despite having no formal training, although he did require Ed to point out zombies. He’s figured out how to make a quick fire using alcohol to keep the zombies away,
Nicholas Angel
Before he uncovered the plot of Sandford, Nicholas Angel was an outstanding officer. He’s well versed in police procedure, arresting people in a pub before he was on the job. The whole plot of Hot Fuzz hinges on the fact that Nicholas is so good at his job that he’s making all the other police look bad. He graduated with a double first in politics and sociology, displayed great skill in riot control, excelled in coursework, established popularity with the community, and still had time for cycling, fencing, chess and martial arts. His intelligence is on display multiple times, such as figuring out the window being broken from the inside before forensic experts could. He has a high pain tolerance, capable of being stabbed through the hand and still fighting back.
His skill in both gunplay and hand-to-hand combat is extreme. He was able to clear out most of the village in one particular shoot-out, coming up with effective strategies to do so. He’s used a baton to beat up an old man in a sword fight, and has won fights against people who’ve played dirty.
He’s also an acrobatic machine, the gif above shows it, but he’s also capable of fence jumping.
Gary King
As a drunken alcoholic who did nothing with his life, Gary surprisingly has experience. His trip during the Golden Mile, which yes means all of his feats are performed drunk, shows us how skilled of a brawler Gary is.
Throughout his trip on the Golden Mile, Gary fights Blanks, usually multiple at a time while he’s trying to grab a beer, where he’s shown to be capable of blocking and parrying attacks. He’s shown to be acrobatic, capable of using bar stools as steps and swinging off of a chandelier. He also isn’t afraid to fight dirty, going for whatever he can in a fight.
Perhaps most interestingly, he’s so annoying, that he convinced a multi-planet network that humans weren’t worth being assimilated into its program.
Equipment
Shaun Riley
Cricket Bat
An iconic weapon picked up from his garden, Shaun’s cricket bat was used to slaughter zombies. Shaun has smashed multiple zombies with this, including a small zombie lady.
Winchester Rifle
Sitting on-top the Winchester bar, Shaun originally believed this weapon to not be a working weapon and used it as an improvised melee weapon. After figuring out how this weapon works, Shaun managed to accurately shoot zombies breaking into the bar. This does have limited ammo and the shells can explode if caught with fire.
Pool Cue
Used in the bar against the Bar Owner, Shaun beats the old man with this weapon.
Pete’s Car
Stolen from flatmate turned zombie Pete, this is your standard red car.
Nicholas Angel
Police Badge
His trusty police badge that Nicholas uses.
Police Baton
Used to fight the old man with a sword depicted above.
Horse
A horse Nicholas rides back in on.
Dual Pistols
Used during his attack on the village, Nicholas uses two pistols to fight the cultists. This includes jumping through the air with them to look badass.
Shotgun
A shotgun Nicholas uses during his shootout.
Bulletproof Vest
Nicholas wears a bulletproof vest at all times, which protects him from the priest's surprise gunshots.
Police Car
All policemen have a car, and Gary’s is like none-other. He’s done high-speed police chases in this before.
Notepad
Every good police officer carries around a notepad.
Peace Lily
He really loves that Peace Lily.
Gary King
The Beast
Sold to him in 1989, Gary loves this car. He did replace literally everything on the car but he loves it to bits.
Sword
His weapon for when the world goes to shit.
Feats
Shaun Riley
Overall
Got his life together after being lazy.
Survived the zombie apocalypse.
Got the girl.
Managed to keep his best friend (even if he’s a zombie)
Strength
Durability
Had a dart thrown into his head
Speed
Can outpace the zombies via walking
Nicholas Angel
Overall
Made every police in London look bad.
Adapted to Sandford.
Solved the murders in Sandford and arrested the entire town.
Became friends with Danny.
Strength
Drop kicked this old lady
Durability
Speed
Ran fast enough to kick an old lady in the face before she could reload (see strength gif)
Gary King
Overall
Completed the Golden Mile.
Fought multiple blanks all in one night.
…while pissed off his head.
Talked The Network into leaving his planet, undoing a planetary wide conspiracy in one night.
Is the king of the humans.
Strength
Durability
Speed
Has dodged attacks and deflected them from blanks on multiple occasions, usually with a beer in his hand
Weaknesses
Shaun Riley
For as much as an action hero Shaun became, he still needed the zombie apocalypse thrusted on him to sort his life out. He isn’t a traditional fighter and tended to avoid conflict, letting people walk over him and didn’t take the zombie apocalypse seriously initially.
Nicholas Angel
Nicholas never knows how to switch off. He’s constantly thinking, planning, and only cares about his job and Japanese peace lilies. Perhaps his most detrimental weakness is that his hand is still stiff from being stabbed, leading to pain in hand to hand combat. He also prefers to fight non-lethally, you know, as a cop.
Gary King
Gary is a self-centered asshole who never picks up on what others are saying around him. He’s self-serving and only cares about himself, which leads to him screwing others around him.
Also, while he does have some showings of intelligence, his drunkenness has prevented him from connecting dots. For example, when Oliver was secretly made into a blank, Gary figured out what Oliver shouldn’t be drinking with them at this point since he tapped out during the original Golden Mile. While it seems like he’s going to figure Oliver out, his drunkenness doesn’t let him connect the dots and lacks the intelligence to figure out the sirens were taking his DNA.
Verdict(s)
3rd Place
Gary King
As sad as it is, Gary King is my third place pick. It comes down to a few main factors, but the biggest one? He just lacks a gun. In a battle like this, weapons matter a lot, and the lack of something used from range means that Gary is easily going to get sniped by the other two.
Does this mean he’s completely outclassed? Not particularly. His sword is the best traditional melee weapon compared to a cricket bat and a baton, but Nicholas has fought an old man with a sword with his baton so putting down Nicholas would be hard for Gary. he’s also the least skilled with his melee weapon, to where we don’t see him use it outside of the conclusion. He also lacks any other weaponry, so if he loses his sword, he’s going to have to rely on his hands.
Another big disadvantage for Gary is that doesn’t plan. He goes along with things, the big part of The World’s End is Gary walking around with his friends trying to ‘blend in’. Compared to Shaun and Nichola’s. So while his sword could likely cut down both combatants in a close encounter, he’s unlikely to come up with a plan to get him close.
Gary also has better stamina than both combatants. His drunken trip across the Golden Mile had him fighting for the entire night straight, taking multiple punches, so he should even have better pain tolerance than Shaun. He’s also a dirty fighter, and his skill should let him beat Shaun and even catch Nichola off guard with a kick to the balls. Unfortunately, Nicholas has had way more hand to hand fights so he’s likely going to lose. He has less tangible experience compared to Nichola’s, but comparing him and Shaun is difficult, but given Shaun’s intelligence against zombies is far better than Gary’s against Blanks, i’d give this advantage to Shaun.
Perhaps the funniest disadvantage is that Gary is a reckless driver. He’s very likely to crash his vehicle and screw himself over, losing that battle.
While this verdict may sound like Gary should beat Shaun, the ranged advantage with Shaun’s Winchester and willingness to come up with a plan means that he, or Nichola’s, will likely shoot Gary before he can get close enough.
Gary King
Advantages:
Conventionally better melee weaponry.
Better Stamina than both combatants.
Better pain tolerance than Shaun.
Way better in h2h combat against Shaun.
Dirty fighting could catch Shaun off guard.
He’s just like me fr fr.
My favourite movie out of the trilogy (get over it)
Disadvantages:
Is the only combatant without a gun, meaning he has nothing at range.
Doesn’t come up with plans/least intelligent of both combatants.
Less skilled than Nichola in h2h combat.
Less acrobatic than both combatants.
Least experienced out of the two.
Least skilled with his melee weapon.
Has the least amount of weaponry than both combatants.
Reckless driving could mess him up.
An actually generally terrible person.
Has the worst Cornetto.
2nd Place
Shaun Riley
Who I thought would come in last place, Shaun manages just to weasel his way to the second spot. His weapon of the Winchester Rifle means that he holds a pretty solid ranged advantage against Gary. He's far more experienced with his weapon, meaning that he could likely out-fox Gary in a 1v1. He’s more than likely to come up with a plan that, while might fail later on, could carry him to second place. Whether he just hides and waits for the other two to take care of each other or snipes Gary from a distance. If they get into a close encounter, his pool cue and bat should reasonably be able to knock The King out or get out of harm's way with his acrobatics. Oh, his car should also be better than The Beast, since Gary is far more reckless. While Gary could arguably throw Shaun off with his dirty fighting, and his travel distance could let Gary close the gap, Shaun more times than not can just shoot him dead where he stands.
Unfortunately for Shaun, he is unprepared against Nichola’s, being worse in every situation. He’s a worse shot, has less guns, less experience, Shaun lacks any advantage over Nicholas to where he’s laughably outmanned, outgunned, and outclassed in every way. He could get a lucky shot off, and considering his weapon is the best from ranged, that could theoretically happen, but Nichola’s verdict explains why that’s unlikely.
Shaun Riley
Advantages:
Smarter and more strategic than Gary.
Skilled with a gun, which lets him out-range Gary and Nichola’s.
More acrobatic than Gary.
Uses his melee weapon better in a fight than Gary.
Has more weaponry than Gary.
Has better experience than Gary.
Pete’s Car is better than The Beast.
Re-defined a lot of the zombie genre.
Loved by the father of zombies himself, George A. Romero
Disadvantages:
Has the worst melee weapon conventionally.
Less skilled than both combatants in h2h.
Dumber and less experienced than Nicholas.
Is a far worse shot than Nichola’s.
Has less experience than Nichola’s.
Is less acrobatic than Nichola’s.
Travel speed is worse than both combatants.
Gary’s dirty fighting could catch him off guard.
Has less weaponry than Nichola’s, including less guns.
Had to study this so many fucking times for film class you do not understand.
Was in that fucking Funko Pop game.
1st Place
Nicholas Angel
What were you expecting? Nicholas is obviously the winner, no question about it. He’s the most skilled, having trained in h2h combat with his boxing experience compared to Shaun, who doesn’t throw punches and Gary, who throws drunken ones. His experience in the police academy means that he’s way smarter than both Gary and Shaun, proven with the plans he comes up with.
In a close up encounter, Nicholas beats both of them. His skill already means that he’s outclassing the two of them, but his Baton should let him beat Shaun in a fight. While it may seem Gary has the edge with his sword, Nichola’s has already won a 1v1 against a guy with a sword who’s more skilled than Gary. This is, of course, without the shotgun on his back, which means he can shoot and kill both quickly.
While Shaun’s gun could kill him, even with the funny explosion calc a bullet could put Nicholas down quickly, he has ways around it. He can duck for cover, given that his acrobatics is far better he could disorientate Shaun. His police car could let him close the gap, which is the only vehicle made for chases in this debate. His travel speed could let him close the gap considering he’s a fast runner, and his bulletproof vest could let him tank a shot.
So, yeah, Nichola’s just kinda sweeps. His skill, experience, travel speed, weaponry, nabs him the win.
Nicholas Angel
Advantages:
Has the funniest durability calc ever…
Fastest in travel speed.
The only character with any sort of formal training that matters.
Smarter.
Carries around the most weaponry, including multiple guns.
Is a much better shot than Shaun.
Outclasses both in h2h combat.
A bulletproof vest prevents any chest shots from Shaun.
Way more acrobatic than the other two.
A police car is better than both other cars.
Has the best cornetto flavour.
Is definitely beating Peacemaker.
Disadvantages:
…but still physically human
Less pain tolerance than Gary King.
Less stamina than Gary King.
Has a conventionally worse weapon than Gary.
Shaun could win via headshot.
Definitely should’ve ended up with Danny.
Final Vote
Team Shaun Riley (0)
Team Nicholas Angel (1)- Saul
Team Gary King (0)
Winner
Next Time and Final Thoughts
Hey, Saul here. Thanks for reading my first solo blog. This was a quick and easy one, made due to kinda just, wanting something fun. I wanted an excuse to rewatch my three favourite comfort movies and they didn’t disappoint.
Main wave blogs will be starting back up very soon, so we’ll be back into the new Saul era. Thank you all for sticking with me, love you.
Next time is
Enchantress VS Witch Queen (Shovel Knight VS Smash Legends)
